Why is everything about what the man wants? Everything you wrote is about what it does for him.

I can see where it might appear that way, J, but that isn’t the case. I very much enjoy controlling his reactions, most especially his physical and emotional responses to sexual stimuli. I can’t really explain “why” I enjoy it – I just do. Watching his body react, hearing his sharp intake of breath, knowing how much he desires me – all yumminess in my book.

Over time, a Lady can learn what a man’s buttons are and how to push them. I choose what happens, when, and where. If there are things that interest him that don’t interest me, I can choose something else. He has plenty of buttons ;) If there are things I want, I ask for them. Well I ask if he hasn’t already anticipated :)

While I admit I enjoy having my way in general, the sensual aspect of dominance is what most appeals. Even though I’m just an average woman, I feel sexy since I discovered how much I enjoy being in control. Not pressured for sex – sexy. I also feel fairly confident and content within myself as a whole. I’ve found my place, my style for doing things and it feels really good.

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What’s In It For Me? is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

A little music, a teasing email, and one sexy voice mail can equal a whole lot of fun:

I was lying in bed, thinking of you, listening to this song, and touching. When I could feel myself getting closer to the edge, I decided to phone you and allow you to share in my release. Those moans of pleasure sound wonderful, don’t they? In some ways I’m glad I caught your voice mail – now you can listen whenever you want. I like rewarding you for being a good boy ;)

I’m looking forward to hearing all the different thoughts and feelings that message inspires ;) I also very much enjoy thinking of you squirming a little while you’re at work, trying to hide how turned on you are.

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I Want You is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

Yesterday, on my main blog, I posted a description of an erotic tease and denial encounter. I thought it might be helpful to explain why I chose to do certain things.

Men if your partners read here, go away now as the rest of this post is not for you.

I mean it. Be a good boy and obey ;)

Excellent.

The scene is simple, a tease and denial in which my fella cannot look at me while I touch. For many, denial is a real hot button. Tell them they can’t do something and wow, they really want to even more than they did before. In a scene like this, a lady who is a bit self conscious about what she’s doing or how she looks can relax. He can’t see. His lovely vivid imagination is filling in all the blanks. She can just sit back, relax, and enjoy.

“Kneel for me, Sexy Man… right here, facing the door.”

The tie is to remind you not to touch yourself. Of course you could anyway, but you won’t, because my control is stronger than any bond. Your fingers won’t wander because I don’t want them to.” As you feel the belt from my soft, silky robe in your mouth, I add, “Just a little reminder that you are not allowed to speak either.”

Kneeling while symbolically bound and gagged speaks of control to him, while still feeling soft and sensual to me. There’s nothing being used that is scary looking or that could hurt him. The belt/gag is attached with just one loop of the cloth, no knots. The tie/bondage implement is held snug by his own hands. No circulation worries or anything. I love using things like this because, while toys are fun, I don’t want him to ever think for a moment that the toy controls him. *I* control him.

Speaking of which, he loves hearing things like that – “I control you,” or “Unless I order you to,” as they are strong reinforcers of who is in charge.

The lips on the back of his neck, the sucking and kiss on his ear – sensual, romantic, erotic – things that remind him that “vanilla” sex is yummy, I’m sexy, he’s sexy, and he shouldn’t ever forget any of that should I desire to take the kinky down a notch or two – or eliminate it completely. Making love to me is a super hot privilege no matter how I choose for it to happen ;)

“You really love my breasts, don’t you? Touching them, kissing them.. your warm mouth closing around each nipple, sucking.. your tongue licking..”

My attitude is one that says of course he desires me, of course he craves to touch me. My tone and words – teasing, taunting. I can touch what he so desperately needs to touch. Ladies, I assure you, by this point, he wants you in a bad, bad way ;)

“Watching as your cock stiffens and begs – yes, begs to be taken.”

Just letting him know I am well aware of what his body is doing. After all, it’s mine and I’m controlling it. I’m so certain that I’m in control and he is responding just as I wish that I don’t even have to look. I know.

Also, “begging” is a word and action that pushes *my* hot buttons. I love to know he wants something that badly. Whew. If I don’t finish this, *I* am going to need a cold shower ;)

“Feeling oh so controlled and deliciously frustrated, aren’t you, my Darling?” As you nod, I continue. “You want so much to slip in the bed beside me, to touch my body, and to feel me take you just as I described. Isn’t that right?”

Smiles. You know what’s happening here. Teasing, luring, getting his hopes up…

“Stand. Yes, that’s my good boy. Don’t turn. Continue facing the door, remove the tie from your wrists, and then the gag. Now strip for me.”

Another hot button for me (and him). When he strips, he’s experiencing a number of things – desired, a little vulnerable, sexy. I like him feeling all those things (well, vulnerable only in this context. I don’t want him feeling vulnerable as a rule.)

“Reach out and switch off the light. Good boy.” Pausing for a moment, I add, “Now.. head downstairs my sexy Darling. You’ll be sleeping on the sofa tonight. Don’t forget to close the door on your way out and remember, no touching.”

And there it is – the initial disappointment followed by the oh so delicious feeling of being denied and controlled.

I like this scene for a number of reasons. As I mentioned in the beginning, it’s low pressure. It’s sensual, it’s loving, and it demonstrates that control does not require implements or any forced actions. It’s all about him surrendering control and me accepting it.

If explanations like this are helpful, let me know. I certainly do not wish to expound upon the obvious nor am I attempting to insult anyone’s intelligence. I simply thought it might be of some use to those new to dominance and submission when planning things to do with your fellas.

To the fellas who were permitted to read here, I’d like to ask that you add any thoughts you have about the scene I described on my main blog or the comments I made here.

~ Lady Julia

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I Do It My Way is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

“Pick a Number” is easy and fun.  Instruct him via phone, email or text to pick a number between one and  (whatever number you’ve determined).  Don’t allow him to ask any questions, just remind him to do as you’ve asked.  Once he has selected a number, end the discussion.  Leaving him puzzled and eager for more information should keep him a little aroused til the next time you speak ;)

After he simmers for awhile, contact him to explain both his assignment and how you determined what it would be.

Perhaps your list will be wholly romantic:

• Choose some romantic songs and send them to me.  Be prepared to tell me why you selected each song.
• Create a romantic fantasy to share with me.
• Develop a handwritten list of all the things you love about me.  Read it to me when we speak and then drop it in the mail tomorrow.
• Find a truly romantic short story and read it aloud to me tonight.

Since you’re a benevolent Mistress, you could revise the list to add these sentences to the end of each option:

• Do so while stroking your cock.  You may not release.

Nothing like creating a win/win situation ;)

Perhaps your list will be more sensual:

• Create a fantasy that includes all the things I find incredibly exciting.
• Purchase a new pair of r*d silk boxers for me and send a photo of you kneeling while wearing them.
• Call me at bedtime and pretend to be a wrong number.  I’ll lead the way after that ;)
• Write my name on the top of each thigh, close to the groin area.  Use ink.  Tell me how grateful you are it isn’t permanent marker ;)

These are just a few things that sound appealing to me.  The opportunities for your lists are, of course, endless :)

~ ~ ~

“Remote Control” posts offer suggestions for long distance Femdom relationships or for those times when couples are apart.

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Remote Control – Pick a Number is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

It sounds odd to say that sometimes we don’t know precisely what we want, but try this.  Make a list of specific things you desire or need.  Instead of saying, “I wish he was more romantic”, identify several romantic activities or gestures you would enjoy.  After the first few, it begins to be a little more difficult to be creative especially when unalterable circumstances must be considered.   Long distance relationships, meager finances, little spare time, the presence of children – all these situations can be somewhat limiting unless we actively work to be creative.

It’s a little bit easier for some submissive men to list the things they desire as many of them have been thinking and fantasizing forever ;)  Still, it may be difficult for them to list activities or gestures that may fall within our comfort zone.   Someone new to the concept of dominance may find it helpful to encourage him to begin with things he considers “mild”.

It’s important to me that each list contain sexual and romantic/vanilla activities.  I’m a Domme, yes, but I still like some of the every day activities that many consider vanilla.  In addition, because part of the Domme/submissive dynamic for me is encouraging his desire to please me, I want him to (eventually) consider those activities pleasurable as well.  I’m sure the same is true for him – some of his “wants” may not initially arouse me, but I know he wants them to.  I’ve noticed focusing on his reaction has many times changed my response to the act itself.

Once our lists have been created, it’s important to keep adding to them.  As we relax and explore, we may see we are more willing and eager to try things previously considered “uninteresting” or “too far out”.

Discussing the lists with one another would seem crucial as it should help make sure we understand not only what each desires, but why.  I’ve found knowing the “why” behind his wants and needs extremely helpful in choosing my course of action on many occasions :)  Reviewing the lists together also provides an opportunity to brainstorm.

He’s committed to serving and pleasing me, I’ve committed to taking control.  My list will help me know what to ask for.  His list will provide me with options when I choose what I wish to do with and to him.  I think it’s also helpful to maintain a list of things we each want to do to and for the other.

The lists are just tools, of course.  As Dommes we can still choose what we want to do, when we want to do it.  I just want to make sure I consider both our needs :)

~ ~

How about sharing some of the things that might appear on either of your lists?   By doing so, you might help spark ideas for others to try.  If you prefer to leave your suggestions anonymously, you may do so here and I will publish them from time to time.

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Lists, Lists, and More Lists is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

• Physical tease. Movie and TV time can lead to soooo much fun.
• A ritual involving shower time. A simple and easy ritual for you, a very powerful and exciting time for him :)
• Being playful over the phone. There’s nothing quite like seeing a man squirm from pleasurable discomfort.
• Simple card game tease. This has been so much fun for me!
• A tease and denial idea from a friend. Can you tell I like tease and denial activities? :)
• Orgasm control – the eight day plan. Yet another orgasm control, tease and denial idea.

These last three are some general remarks about simple dominance and the average woman.

You’re probably already more in control than you realize.

Most women have long controlled their men in very subtle ways. I think quite often we don’t even realize we’re doing it because at least to some degree, it’s instinctive. If we become more aware of what’s transpiring and at the right moment point out to him what has happened, we can really push our submissive fella’s buttons.

Dominance and the Soft Cloak of Femininity

You don’t have to be a bitch to be in control.

If I Were a Vanilla Woman

Things I would like to say to my partner if he approached me about dominating him.

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From the Past is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

Taking you. I’ve never been really good at denying that urge even if I am in the midst of denying your cock any pleasure.

Suddenly, struck by a plan that allows me a bit of both options, (pleasure for me, tease and denial for you), I smile.

Pulling back the shower curtain, my eyes take in the sight of you. Conveniently, you are naked. You aren’t trying to tempt me, are you, pet?

“Go into the bedroom, open my top dresser drawer and remove my cotton gloves. Bring them to me.”

“Your cotton gloves? Why do…” Your words trail off at my look, a mixture of hunger and determination that means I will abide no questions.

Hurriedly you fetch the gloves and return, standing an arm’s reach from the shower door. “Mistress, I have your gloves.” Your excitement is obvious, as much by the hardness of your cock as in the sound of your voice.

“Put on the gloves.”

Quizzically you look at me, but this time you remember – no questions.

“Now, step in the shower, pet.”

I chuckle inwardly. The speed with which you hop in the shower clearly demonstrates there is no need to ask twice.

As the water falls over your back and shoulders, I lean forward to kiss you. Your lips are so warm and inviting. My fingertips explore your chest, teasing your nipples, sliding tantalizing down your stomach and below. In spite of your quick intake of breath, your hands remain at your sides. Good boy. You know you may not touch without my permission.

Stepping back I pour a bit of shower gel into the palm of my hand, soap up my fingers, and begin running them teasingly over my body. Those soft, sensual curves you so love to touch. A low growl escapes your lips and I smile.

“Would you like to touch me, pet?”

“Oh yes, Mistress. Please.”

The quiet intensity in your voice reveals more vulnerability than your nakedness does.

“Very well, you may touch.”

You move to remove the gloves and I hold up my hand to stop you.

“What are you doing, pet?”

“Removing the gloves so I may touch you, Mistress?”

I couldn’t help but laugh as realization dawns. “I must touch you .. while wearing these gloves, Mistress?” Your expression transitions from incredulity to dismay to… yes.. there it is.. excitement.

“Stand behind me and allow your gloved hands to caress me. That’s right.. your strong hands wrapped in all that softness feels so good. It’s a pity you’re being denied, pet. I know how much you love the touch of my soft, silky skin. You don’t mind being denied for me, do you, pet?” My soft moans of pleasure distract you, delaying your response.

“Yes, Mistress. I mean.. No, Mistress.”

Another laugh. “Well, which is it, pet? Yes or no?”

“Yes, I mind. I mean, I want to touch you. I soooo want to touch you. But no, I don’t mind because even more than I want to touch you – which is a WHOLE LOT Mistress – I want to please you.”

“Continue caressing my body, pet. There – cup my breasts and play with my nipples. Mmmmm. Oh… poor you. You love touching my nipples better than almost any other part of my body.”

You sigh softly.

“It seems to me… well… you tell me, pet. Which part of my body do you love to touch more than anything? Even more than my breasts and nipples?”

“Your pussy, Mistress.”

“Oh yes. I remember now.” I laugh. I cannot help but to enjoy the look of sheer frustration on your face. “Well, let’s see, I don’t think those gloves will feel very good against the softness between my thighs, do you, pet?”

“No, Mistress!”, you agree with so much eagerness.

“I suppose I could let you take off the gloves but… oh no. You are being denied right now… aren’t you, pet?”, I ask in a laughter-laced voice.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Well, allowing you to touch me just won’t do, will it, pet?”

“No, Mistress”. I think the tease is getting to you, pet ;)

“Go and retrieve my new dildo.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

As you turn to step out of the shower I laugh, draw you back to me, and kiss you softly. “Get down on your knees in front of me, pet. First, adjust the water so you don’t drown ;) Now. Tell me. How much do you love me?”

“More than anything, Mistress!” The look in your eyes melts my heart. I so love you as well.

“Which would you prefer? To end your period of denial a week earlier, leaving you with two more weeks of no release, or kneeling now, pleasuring me with your tongue, and extending your denial to end in a month.”

You hesitate a moment, your throbbing cock twitching as you consider the cost of your choice. Smiling, you lean forward to demonstrate your reply.

~ ~

(c) 2010 Lady Julia

Thanks to a very good boy I know for the idea of the shower mitts. See what happens when you say or do something that sparks my imagination? ;)

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Step into the Shower, Pet is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

Many of the things that Ladies could do to demonstrate or reinforce their control derive from rituals – both actions and indicators of position. Actions might include having the man assume a particular posture such as having his head bowed or simply his eyes cast down. Bowing at the head or waist, curtseying, kneeling either upon the Lady’s entry into a room, or at the time of rendering a service, or at specific instruction from the Lady would certainly both demonstrate the Lady’s superior position and reinforce the man’s submissive position.

Kneeling is a simple yet strong posture that you have employed in the experiences. The use of the position at the start of or the end of a day’s activities does allow for reflection, and I have found that it has helped to move me to what is sometimes referred to as sub space, a place where I am particularly attuned to the needs and desires of the Dominant.

Relative postures can be reinforced with verbal cues, which can be in a vast range and can take many forms, such as positive reinforcement (compliments for good service and the occasional, “you are doing so well”), straight direction, or negative reinforcement such as scolding or words intended to cause the submissive to feel embarrassment. I find quiet reinforcement combined with the occasional verbal reminder of relative position most effective.

From the man, simple rules of how to appropriately address the Lady serve as direct methods of control and a reminder of position. Specifying and insisting upon the method of address (“Lady Julia” for example). Requiring verbal acknowledgment of any direction and prohibiting any disagreement or argument would be means of reinforcing control.

Attire can play a part, obviously. When naked, particularly if the Lady is clothed, one is naturally submissive. Adding a particular uniform, particularly one that the Lady finds attractive and interesting is also an effective method of establishing relative roles. Having the man wear a garment or piece of jewelry not ordinarily worn is a simple method of reinforcement.

There are certainly other techniques for the demonstration or reinforcement of an exchange of power. Among two in a real life relationship, communication about particular methods is extremely important, and it would certainly seem that introducing or experimenting with different methods might prove both enjoyable and productive. Avoiding a laundry list of requirements that becomes over burdensome on the Lady, and therefore counterproductive, is critical.

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A Submissive Man’s Point of View: Demonstrating or Reinforcing Control is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

Please note: these writers are not experts. They, like me, are not giving advice, rather they are simply sharing what works for them. While I may agree with much of what they say, the posting of their thoughts does not necessarily mean I think what works for them will work for me or for you.

This blog is about sharing ideas and points of view that might help others in their search for what feels right for them.

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Guest Writers is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

(Click above to listen to a recording of this post)

“It’s time for inspection.”

With just a few words he knows I want him naked and kneeling.  If he’s dressed, he strips.  Nothing sexy or seductive this time;  rather more of a hurried process.  He kneels with his thighs at a 90 degree angle, his upper body straight, stomach muscles tight, his butt cheeks clenched, his hands clasped behind his back, his eyes open and his gaze fixed ahead.  Under no circumstances may he move unless I direct him to do so.

I remind him how excited I am to see him before me in this very vulnerable position.  His cock stiffens, but his gaze doesn’t shift to meet my eyes.  Straight ahead unless otherwise instructed.

I circle slowly, eyes roving his body.   I may caress his beautiful flesh*, perhaps not.  The uncertainty excites him almost as much as the touch.  Sometimes my fingertips trace the curve of his jaw, the outline of his lips.  Cradling his face in my hands.  I want him to know that surrender may sometimes be filled with moments of sweet, gentle tenderness.  At other times, I cannot resist caressing his behind.  Most times I cannot resist caressing his behind :)    Usually I  remember his cock – my cock – in some way.  My fingertips may simply circle the head, having him taste his own precum either from my finger or.. from my tongue.   I might sit in front of him and tease him with my feet.   A soft, silky cloth may drive him to distraction.  So many options..

Soft lips brush against his ear.  “You are mine.  I own you.  I control your body and your mind.”  His quick breath signals I have touched a nerve.  He knows more is surely to come.

~

*If he’s mine, he’s beautiful.  All shapes and sizes are beautiful when they belong to you..

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Kneeling – The Inspection Position is a post from: Simple Dominance, (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)