Simple Dominance Simple ways to dominate the man in your life

We’ve all heard others express dissatisfaction with their relationship because their wants and needs are not being met.  Perhaps we’ve even found ourselves in a similar spot.  While there are many possible reasons for this discontent, I’m convinced that three of the main causes are identifiable and rectifiable:  not knowing precisely what we want, not knowing precisely what our partner wants, and not communicating these wants and needs.

It sounds odd to say that sometimes we don’t know precisely what we want, but try this.  Make a list of specific things you desire or need.  Instead of saying, “I wish he was more romantic”, identify several romantic activities or gestures you would enjoy.  After the first few, it begins to be a little more difficult to be creative especially when unalterable circumstances must be considered.   Long distance relationships, meager finances, little spare time, the presence of children – all these situations can be somewhat limiting unless we actively work to be creative.

It’s a little bit easier for some submissive men to list the things they desire as many of them have been thinking and fantasizing forever ;)  Still, it may be difficult for them to list activities or gestures that may fall within our comfort zone.   Someone new to the concept of dominance may find it helpful to encourage him to begin with things he considers “mild”.

It’s important to me that each list contain sexual and romantic/vanilla activities.  I’m a Domme, yes, but I still like some of the every day activities that many consider vanilla.  In addition, because part of the Domme/submissive dynamic for me is encouraging his desire to please me, I want him to (eventually) consider those activities pleasurable as well.  I’m sure the same is true for him – some of his “wants” may not initially arouse me, but I know he wants them to.  I’ve noticed focusing on his reaction has many times changed my response to the act itself.

Once our lists have been created, it’s important to keep adding to them.  As we relax and explore, we may see we are more willing and eager to try things previously considered “uninteresting” or “too far out”.

Discussing the lists with one another would seem crucial as it should help make sure we understand not only what each desires, but why.  I’ve found knowing the “why” behind his wants and needs extremely helpful in choosing my course of action on many occasions :)  Reviewing the lists together also provides an opportunity to brainstorm.

He’s committed to serving and pleasing me, I’ve committed to taking control.  My list will help me know what to ask for.  His list will provide me with options when I choose what I wish to do with and to him.  I think it’s also helpful to maintain a list of things we each want to do to and for the other.

The lists are just tools, of course.  As Dommes we can still choose what we want to do, when we want to do it.  I just want to make sure I consider both our needs :)

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How about sharing some of the things that might appear on either of your lists?   By doing so, you might help spark ideas for others to try.  If you prefer to leave your suggestions anonymously, you may do so here and I will publish them from time to time.